30 Dec 2011

Today is the 2nd last day of year 2011. Let me tell you what I have happened to me during this year. The most remarkable event is that I have worked in 3 different companies in year 2011.

They have confirmed me. I should be happy here in this organisation. Wish that everything may goes smoothly for me for the rest of my working days. It is always a very busy in the office here.

My aim for the coming year a few of them among the many are:

1. To reduce my weight to below 50 kg

Tomorrow is another turning point of my life. Will blog about it soon.

Life is tough (Part 3)

I did not write for many weeks because I was not happy with many things surrounding me. And there are all beyond my control. New surrounding, new job makes matter worse. So bad that I got to seek God's help to intervene to assist me to give me strength to keep living .

This morning at 10:30 am my car's battery went flat. Luckily it happen in the morning day light instead of a dark night in a lonely road. It had settled when the shop man came to change the battery for me.

Life is tough (Part 2)

Life is forever tough, difficult and full of challenges. I found out the reasons mainly why I have no suitors are because I do not speak softly and slowly when I was young. These are very crucial for men to pick and accept their potential girl-friends and wives. I knew these too many years late. So sad. Thus i have missed opportunities. Just like i read from one blog sometimes back , his criteria and probably most men criteria to look for in a wife or girl friend is : somebody that may help him in his career, a woman who speak softly and slowly and articulate besides having a face that is attractive to look at. In addition to a good career and financial standing to boast about. This is truly "wah lau eh "
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To speak softly and slowly is an art. No wonder majority of my superiors and colleagues dislike me. Too bad for me. To me this is just a mask. No wonder men said the women that they love change once they get married. It is crystal plain the women did not require to act anymore once the are hitched and married. To speak softly and slowly do not come naturally. It is a skill to learn and practise. It is very superficial. There are instances when one can hardly able to talk softly and slowly in case of emergency or being too much concern. Example just imagine how can one manage to talk slowly and softly if one's loved one eg baby or parents catch fire. Or maybe one's car window screen being smashed. The concern will over take the speak softly and slowly.

A failed actress like me is left alone on the shelf. What a miserable unfair life.

Separation

Separation to me means no longer in close proximity with the circumstances or people. There are 2 separation for me in this year 2011.

No. 1 is the separation of my employment. Meaning that I have moved to other organisation. It has been 6 years I have been working there. I wouldn't describe it as complete bad or else I wouldn't have stayed with them for 6 years. My six years of "youth" and energy has gone into the manhole drain. Along the way, I met a few good people. If it had not for that company I also would not have get myself in this present job. Seems that life is always moving and never be constant. Wished that the future is good for me.

No. 2 is the separation of myself with the spiritual organisation that i went to last time. To say that I learnt nothing from them is far from truth. I quit there because I feel that they are too harsh. Too unreasonably harsh and cold and some illogical discplines. It takes me 6 years also to detect the harshness. Some people are wiser, they do not take that long to find out. According to some it was not intentional. Whatever it is, i feel that it is no longer pleasing to continue further. Let the past be the past and make a fullstop as what they love to emphasise. "Fullstop", one of the their favorite words.

Life is tough and stressful

Life has always been tough and stressful for me. Tomorrow is my 1st day in my new work place. I am so full of anxiety, fearful and worries. The future is so uncertain and dreadful. The surrounding is new and not familiar. I do not like it. But because of circumstances I am landing in this new job of mine.

I have 3 people in different occasion and timing told me that the people here in this new place is good. Yet I am still wary. Life is always stressful unless I belong to those group that is couldn't be bothered attitude. Majority of the people are hard and tough. Wished that i belong to this category. I always wonder how come there are several people who are blind and foolish to describe me as tough and strong. Or have I have a very tough superwoman outlook. Funny, people's perception on me who usually not correct. Damn those fools.

Tonight I am so full of anxiety that I am sure not able to feel sleepy.

Botanical garden - entrance

This is front entrance of Botanical Garden after the two pillar were dismantled down.

April 3, 2012 - Going To Church

Today is the 9th week i attend church service, commencing from Feb 6, 2011. It is interesting to go to church to listen to the pastor's sermon. So far so good. The pastor talk logic. An acquaintance of mine stop going to church after she can no longer bear the preacher preach nonsense according to her ears after being a faithful christian of more than 10 years.

As for me, I prefer the listening of the 'lessons' part compared to the singing of worship session. No I m not a Christian. That's why when I hear the meaning of the songs which comprising praises I feel bored and lethargic. However I feel enthusiastic during the talking session by the pastor. I am really not sure whether I may be a Christian or not one day. The reasons are in every religions they have their own groups of followers claiming theirs to be the Truth and effective. I am still very impartial, fair and neutral as ever.

The amusing part is that when they have their mimic "last supper", I also ate the broken cracker and small mini cup of ribena juice just like old timer.

I am brought up in a strict Taoist family. Taoism is not without its setback and benefits. It is a pity that there is no proper lessons or education on Taoism except from some rare one which one may find in some text from the bookshop.

I am always curious how come some friends said that they have experiences with God be if from team A or team B God. I never have. Some people even had the extend of vision, eg vision of Light, vision of Kuan Imm, vision of Jesus, vision of Buddha. Sometimes I think that it is good that I never seen them before because if I were to really see them, I will sure fainted. So scaring then, they have died long ago, haven't they? No, no, I prefer not to have vision of them, I am really scared.

Tao Restaurant, at Auto City, Butterworth

Went for a Japanese buffet dinner at Tao, Auto City for a colleague farewell dinner.

The restaurant is packed although it is a Tuesday night. I did not manage to capture the picture of the food at that time because I was too lazy to do so.

As you can see, the restaurant is well decorated. Even the toilet is of uncommon new design.

We cross the bridge from Penang to Butterworth. The journey took about half an hour to reach there.

My wound update - 6/2/11

It has been a day to a month, yet my wound has not healed. So sad. Naturally I cannot smile as much as I should, who can if one were in my situation.

The taking of stitches was not painful, but my second time stitches was painful. It split and leak when i walked too much. The doctor re stitched back for the 2nd round. I was then wounded like a soldier been injured seriously.

My wound update

So this is my wound after the second time stitches. It is much wider and more scar now. Hope that it will dry and heal fast.

20/1/11 - online diary

My wound on my thigh has not yet healed. On the 14/1/11 i had my stitches untie. Very unfortunately on the 8/1/11 my wound leak and splits. It bleeds like a soldier's injury in the war time. So the following day I had my stitches cleaned, injection and sewn back. Naturally this dampen my spirit to write anymore, until and unless my wound is heal again.

On the happier side is that I have a new washing machine. This is my second washing machine in my life. I choose the same front loading, and the same brand as it was the first machine. After many comparisons I still opt for front loading. I like front loading more because it is less harsh to our laundry extending the life of our clothes and also uses less water compared to top load.

9/1/11 - update on my thigh

Day 3 - 9/1/11

The bruise is spreading and has lessen. The center is the stitch.

7/1/11 - online diary

It is a relieve to have one big fatty tissue lump (about 1" big) removed from my thigh today. The surgeon is very clever. The was no pain during the surgery and even after 12 hours after the surgery. Somehow when I ask the doctor for the cause of the tissue he can't explain. So this is my day today feeling very glad that it was over at the same time felt very sad by the sight of the hospital.

I saw many weak old people there laying on the beds. This makes me think that what is the uses or purposes of being strict if they were when they were once upon time young. Life span is finite and fixed. Life is useless once one can no longer get up walk, run and dance.

In 1996 i have a smaller lump removed from my arm by the same doctor. 15 years ago times flies.